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A refillable prescription for the impending bout of post-vacation reality

Medical professionals endorse the following prescription in instances where patient has returned from sunny dry heat of Los Angeles to her snow-covered hometown and displays signs of whiny disappointment, enduring disbelief and dark circles beneath eyes.

A planeful of patients gasped in unison as their ride from LA descended beneath the clouds to reveal this garbage.

A planeful of patients gasped in unison as their ride from LA descended beneath the clouds to reveal this garbage. (This is a colour photo.)

Symptoms may include, but are not limited to:

  • sharing photos of vacation ad nauseum on social media
  • adding tequila and other inappropriate “flavouring agents” to breakfast items
  • attempts to wear out of season clothing outdoors including sundress, floppy hat or thongs
  • showing strangers tanlines
  • never unpacking
Most patients display time-space confusion when they arrive in a snowy abyss with a deep tan and an unavoidable urge to brag.

Most patients display time-space confusion when they arrive in a snowy abyss with a deep tan and an unavoidable urge to recount sunny adventures.

Patients may begin recovery in as little as 117 hours if the following actions are taken immediately:

  1. Remind patient there is little impetus to shave her legs for 4-6 months.
  2. Encourage patient to live life as if “every day is a vacation” and see what kind of hard liquor she purchases first. Offer to fix her a drink.
  3. Let patient begin three sentences with “In Los Angeles we….” before you commence eye-rolling.
  4. Administer pizza to patient weekly, reminding her there’s no good pizza in LA anyway.
  5. Allow patient to buy a new winter jacket. She won’t feel guilty about how she could have put the money toward her student loan as long as sky is appropriately grey and temperature stays below 5 C.

If no improvement is observed within 168 hours, patient may be permitted online browsing of sunny beach destinations but cannot be given access to her own credit card until her most recent charges have been paid off. While she may initially struggle, patient can be subdued with Netflix and hot chocolate. Increase hot chocolate dosage and add “flavouring agents” as required.

Living in the past is only to be encouraged via souvenir mugs.

Living in the past is only to be encouraged via souvenir mugs.

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Filed under: How-To, Humour, MonthOfWit, travel

About the Author

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I am a writer living under a pile of scrap paper and unopened fan mail from the cable company. I believe a messy desk is simply a sign of inspiration waiting to be uncovered. But I’m biased. More from me on Twitter: @zoeywrites

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