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Roller derby war stories: Five shapes that have bloomed on me in bruise form

I woke up this morning and heroically made to roll out of bed.

My body, sensing I was about to commit mutiny upon a very cosy set of sheets, rapidly reminded me that I had played a rough bout of roller derby the night before. And, my body continued, while I felt great before bed, I had in fact been knocked to the concrete floor several times in the game. And that smarts a little.

Both teams got cosy after the bout. I'm the sweaty one in the black. With the helmet.

Both teams got cosy after the bout. I’m the sweaty one in the black. With the helmet. Photo by @AllegedlyOld

I made it upright eventually, hobbled on a suddenly rickety knee to acetaminophen myself at my medicine cabinet and with a dramatic sigh (which nobody was around to hear), caffeinated myself.

This bangover routine happens at some level after every game of derby I play. Last night was a co-ed scrimmage in Nanton, Alta., hosted by the Foothills Roller Derby Association. Scrimmages are meant to be a fun opportunity to play with people you might not otherwise get to and learn something, and this one most definitely was all that, but we also played hard. Guys hit hard, you see. Almost as hard as the girls do.

As expected, the evening’s bout left a few bruises. A particularly striking one got me thinking: maybe bruises on my hip bone deserve as much dreamy interpretation as clouds in a prairie sky.

Maybe they deserve slightly less.

Regardless, here are 5 shapes seen amongst my roller derby bruises.

  1. The face of a sloth
  2. A squished ant
  3. The Milky Way, more or less
  4. The lens flare effect in Photoshop
  5. What a bowling ball would look like if tender flesh replaced its three holes
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Filed under: Blog, Humour, Personal

About the Author

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I am a writer living under a pile of scrap paper and unopened fan mail from the cable company. I believe a messy desk is simply a sign of inspiration waiting to be uncovered. But I’m biased. More from me on Twitter: @zoeywrites

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